Making parenting mistakes since 2008

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Monday Moments.

  • Hey look I came back, amazing I know.
  • Things continue to be super busy.
  • The kids  had a calmer week, well most of them did, which was good, calm is good.
  • Dealing with a teenager who rages and get violent is really more than I would like to deal with most days and considering that only happened once this week I call it calm.
  • The girl child can swear long and loud enough to make a sailor blush, she did some of that this week too but it’s nothing like it used to be.
  • I am dealing with some super annoying and exhausting auto-immune issues and would really prefer that I just sail through life perfectly healthy because it would make things so much easier.
  • Winter is still here and if this damn snow doesn’t leave soon I am going to explode. I need to be outside and I need more sun.
  • I have managed to convince work to give me the summer off so I do not have to deal with finding childcare, this is a really good thing for everyone involved.
  • I am looking super forward to a 2 week vacation is Massachusetts this summer and some time with some of my dearest friends camping with all of our small people in tow.
  • I am quickly running out of minutes on my parking meter and my coffee cup is empty which says to me that it is time to get moving.
  • I’ve missed this space, I am excited to back into the swing of things but it might take some time before I come up with anything other than posts like this.

April 7, 2014   No Comments

But I wanna

I wanna be blogging but there is just so much to do everyday and there are just not enough hours…. wah.

But I miss this, I miss writing, I need and want to make time to do it. I am going to try really hard to make time. It might not be often and it might not be great but it will be done.

We are all alive, we have come through some rough patches with the kids who continue to grow and change even thought I keep asking them to stop getting so darn big. Those small smiling boys in my header photos have deep voices, pimples and often smell like teenagers. The small girl child is still small although she is rapidly getting bigger and stronger and will not be be a little girl for long.

Life is always busy, this week someone got busted for smoking at school and let me assure you it was not Ramona. Work is good and I am thrilled to be snuggling babies all day, they are a great way to start people off. My kids  (who come to work everyday after school)  like them too and it is good for them to see what little people need to develop and it gives us a chance to talk about some of things they missed. I love the schools the kids are at and am happy that we made the choice to deal with the driving so that they could go to better schools that could meet their needs.

I have worked on lots of post adoption support pieces and that is one of the many reasons I feel the need to be blogging, people are still reading here, still looking for answers and I feel that those of us who are walking on this path might as well be doing it together. So I am going to try to write, to vent and use this as a place where adoptive parents can be reminded that they are not alone

We are alive and we are well enough and we will get up tomorrow and start again.

March 29, 2014   No Comments

Monday Moments

  • looks like I am still not back into this blogging thing… not sure what that means
  • that being said we have survived almost a whole month of this new life of ours.
  • It is super busy though and getting bronchitis did not help matters in any way, shape or form.
  • I am finally on the mend though.
  • Currently I am trying to bend time so that I can have about 3 extra hours each day,  it is not working unless I sleep less and since I have been sick that is not really an option.
  • There is so much going on in the kids lives and in my life that I don’t even know where to start.
  • I really want to make time for this again but I am feeling like I might be done as well…
  • I do make time for facebook though, so if you want to be friends in real life to keep with out antics i will not think you are crazy if you send me an email and ask me who I am in the real world. Honest.

September 30, 2013   No Comments

Monday Moments – once again

  • I’m back, did you even notice I was gone….
  • We traveled over 13,000km this summer and went all the way to the west coast and back.
  • We arrived home mid August but things quickly became crazy here.
  • I know you are so surprised, crazy here, never
  • Our travels were fantastic, we saw lots of friends, made new ones and enjoyed tons of time together.
  • There was one day near Chicago where I was ready to leave someone on the side of the road but other than that we all did really well considering how far we traveled.
  • .I had the immense privilege of going to NACAC which was fantastic and just what I needed after all that time alone with my kids.
  • If you know me in real life you know that they are crazy because I applied for, interviewed for and then accepted a job in the big city near to us.
  • This means a 1 hour commute each way.
  • But I get to snuggle toddlers all day and I love toddlers so it is totally worth the drive.
  • It also means all my kids are going to school and since today is the day before school starts here there have been lots of big, huge, messy feelings.
  • They are all going to survive though.
  • So am I…. or so I keep telling myself.
  • 5:30 comes really early though.
  • I really wanted to check in here though and say that we are alive and although you are not commenting wordpress stalks you for me so I know that you are coming and reading and I wanted to say that we were alive and well.
  • Enjoy September, wherever it may lead you.

September 2, 2013   No Comments

on our way

Posting has been sporadic here for so long, sorry. I want to write, I want to make time but there is so little it seems. I have so many started and not finished posts it is not even funny.  Although finding time is hard, to be honest, things have been so hard around here I am not sure what to say or how to say it. I want to respect my aging kids privacy and yet I think that there are things to be learned from sharing. While I work on figuring that out in my head you can acknowledge that I am indeed crazy as I am about to leave on a 6 week road trip with my three kids in tow.  Winnipeg ,Sylvan Lake, Victoria, near Seattle and then back through the states ending up at the NACAC conference in Toronto in August.  We leave bright and early tomorrow morning.

What doesn’t kill you….

June 25, 2013   No Comments

Monday Moments

  • I’m alive
  • I’m not sure what to about blogging anymore.
  • It’s a complicated and long story.
  • I am thinking that I might keep on going but not till after I get through the chaos that is our summer
  • Not that there are many readers anymore.
  • Which is mostly because I do not have any time to do anything including blog or read others blogs.
  • 2 kids are almost done school 1 is still got way to much to do I do not want to talk about it…. it makes me angry at him.
  • time for bed

June 10, 2013   No Comments

maybe there will be calm

Calvin is a very angry young man and everyone who knows him can tell. He rages about something most days and lately when he rages he runs. Yesterday went like this

make a mistake, know you are in trouble, run,return, get spoken to and about not hurting siblings, go to room to cool off off, calm down, eat supper, help yourself to something you have already been told is for someone else, get caught, deny it, lie about it, run again, return, have parents try to talk to you about choices, ignore them, yell at them, try to run again, get sent to bed of frustration on part of parents, parent comes in to reassure you that you are loved, ignore them, tell them to go away, other parent tries same thing but now child is hiding under bed, Mama calms herself, puts on patient pants, talks you out and then you try to fold your huge almost 13 year old body into her lap ( as she sits on the floor because she was trying to get you out from under bed) while you have a long good cry about why your birth Mom would not change her life so she could keep you, finally go to bed, exhausted but maybe believing that you are loved.

It makes for really long days and with 3 kids all doing versions of this my time to do things like be here are so limited. I am tired, I am so ready for all of them to take a huge step in a new direction and Calvin needs to lead the way.

May 30, 2013   No Comments

Monday Moments

  • I know I have been super quiet. 
  • We have busy and things here are hard.
  • I am not sure how or if I can blog about it, we are fine, we are alive.
  • One of the kids is having a super hard time though which is making everyone around here pretty miserable and we are just muddling through as best we can.
  • It is not fun.
  • In brighter news spring is here and I am busy planning the  epic summer road trip of 2013….
  • We have been camping in the warm days and freezing nights.
  • I am breathing and drinking water, some days that is all I got.

May 27, 2013   No Comments

Too Hurt to Stay, a book review

I was asked recently to review the book To Hurt to Stay by Casey Watson, when it arrived I started to read it as and then I got distracted not because it wasn’t good but because life just gets in the way of my reading time.

When I was asked to read the book I was given this quote from the publisher

Eight-year-old Spencer takes himself to social services and demands to be taken into care. It’s a desperate act, a cry for help, but his parent’s reaction – good riddance – speaks volumes. Casey’s hackles are immediately up for this poor child.

Spencer is the middle child of four siblings. His parents claim all their other kids are ‘normal’ and that Spencer was born ‘vicious and evil’. Casey and her family are disgusted – kids aren’t born evil, they get damaged. Although when vigilante neighbors start to take action and their landlord threatens eviction, Casey is stretched to the limits, trying desperately to hold on to this boy who causes so much pain and destruction.

Casey is determined to try and understand what Spencer is going through and help him find the loving home he is so desperately searching for. But it’s only when Spencer’s mother gets in touch with social services for the first time that gradually everything starts to make sense.

As soon as I read that I knew that this was a book I could read, a book I would understand, a book I could relate to.

It took me a while to get back  to reading it but when I picked it up again I dove in and was quickly reminded of the fact that this book could be the story of one of my sons, in fact it could be the story of so many children I know. Children who were hurt by people who should love them, people who should protect them and instead do unspeakable things to them. Trauma, abuse and neglect affect every aspect of a child’s life and in this book the author does not hold back and lets the reader know just how very hard it can be to care for these very challenging children.

Casey Watson tells the honest truth about what this life like. She is honest and candid about how others react to our children and about some the fantastic stunts they can pull while no one is paying attention. Young Spencer makes my kids look like angels.

Although Casey Watson is a therapeutic foster parent and not an adoptive parent she understands first hand what the journey of loving a child who does not want to be loved is like. I will be searching out some of her other books as there is a great deal of comfort in knowing that I am not alone.

May 10, 2013   No Comments

Monday Moments on Tuesday, again.

  • It seems as though spring has finally arrived in the great white north. 
  • Woohoo
  • The kids and I walked for over an hour yesterday which was good for all of us and there were some interesting conversations while we walked.
  • They also jumped on the trampoline for hours and entertained themselves outside all afternoon.
  • (shhh this part needs to be whispered because if I say it aloud it will end) Things with Ramona have calmed back down to their regular level of crazy which is so much better than the super intense crazy we did from Jan through March. April began and she calmed way down which is a really good thing. r
  • Other people who live here are still crazy.
  • I have one child who is not interested in learning anymore and so his morning is spent sitting around bored while everyone else does school.
  • He has been at it for over a week, I am sure that eventually the boredom will become less exciting and he will finish the work needed to finish the year.
  • Last week was challenging here in other ways, there was an incident with a professional who we were working with who referred to one of my kids birth parents as their “real mom” in front of the kid.
  • My head almost exploded I was so mad.
  • I threw that one to my loving other half and let him deal with and fire the professional involved.
  • I am still mad.
  • There is a lot of adoption language that is unimportant and other stuff that is huge, this is one of the ones that I think is huge.
  • All of my children have had multiple mothers and they all have names and played different roles in their lives, they are all real.
  • Real is one of those impossible to defines terms for a kid and it is not a way to refer to parents, birth, foster, adoptive or step.
  • Things are still super busy here but next week we are taking a school vacation week and celebrating Easter, again, long story but you can read about the craziness of using 2 calendars in the Ukrainian church here  if you are interested.

April 23, 2013   No Comments