Darkness

Things in my world have felt very dark for a long time. It started before Christmas and the spiral I was in just kept getting bigger and harder to get out of. I have been trying very hard to step out, friends have reached out to me and tried to help, they have talked me through parenting moments that have literally brought me to my knees. My husband has heard me, has stepped up and tried as well but at the end of the day the only person who can really make this better for me is me.

I have struggled with depression for years, for as long as I can remember I have had these very, very dark patches of time in my life.  I have lots of tools to help me get through, I know that these dark patches will always come into my world and I need to do what I can to get through them.

But it is stinkin hard some days.

Some days I would rather turn off the alarm, roll over and cover my head with my blankets and pretend that there is nothing else in the world except my nice warm bed. Sadly that is not a option, I have these 3 kids that I homeschool and they need to be fed and such and if they are unsupervised someone is likely to be dead within the hour.

Depression is not my friend.

I hate that the sadness over takes me when I least want it to, I hate that I feel like there is no joy in my life, I hate that no matter what I do to keep the darkness at bay it finds a way to creep back it.

My dear Lisa, is working hard to help me keep the darkness at bay, what on earth on we doing you might ask, we are tapping and people, it is helping, it is not an answer, it is not the only thing but it is seriously helping and then sound of that woman’s voice and the tapping scripts she has written for me have made the difference this week , it has been the glimmer of light I so desperately needed.